Blog

“Forgiveness”

Monday, May 15, 2023

By Sheldon Smith

We live in a nation of grudges. From the Civil War to the Hatfields and McCoys, in entertainment (Tupac vs. Biggie Smalls followers), to contemporary politics, it seems as though we have lost (or never had) the ability to settle differences in a civil manner.

We see it every day: brawls, street fights, drive-by shootings, mass shootings, etc. At the core is the inability to forgive.

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness in the Hebrew language can have multiple meanings. It can mean the act of releasing someone from bondage or from confinement. It can also mean to pardon a person from his or her sins. In the context of this article, both definitions can be applied.

It is possible for us to put ourselves into bondage to sin. 2 Peter 2:19 reads, “While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage.”

Romans 6:16 tells us, “Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?” From this, we see that people who have become slaves to sin need to be pardoned by God.

As we live our lives, it’s inevitable that someone — even those in our families or our congregations — will knowingly or unknowingly offend us. In such case, the following scriptures apply:

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Luke 17:3-4 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Even worldly institutions recognize the value of forgiveness. The Mayo Clinic suggests that the act that hurt or offended us might always be with us. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on us. It can help free us from the control (bondage) of the person who harmed us.

Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt us.

Why do people hold on to grudges?

People can do horrible things. I have done terrible things to others in my life. Such acts of offense can lead to negative feelings within the person whom was hurt. Such feelings take hold and leave little room in one’s mind for positivity.

Another reason is that people simply lack humility. It’s our sense of self-importance that makes it hard to forgive others. With that in mind, the Mayo Clinic offers some helpful advice regarding forgiveness. First, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to us. It also doesn’t necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and helps us go on with life.

Fill our minds with positivity

Philippians 4:8 reads, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Let it go! According to a web publication from the Harvard Medical School, there are two types of forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness involves making a conscious choice to supplant animosity with good will. In emotional forgiveness, we drift away from the feelings caused by the offense and, no longer dwell on it.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

The Clinic suggests several benefits to forgiving a person who offended or hurt us. Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:

Healthier relationships.
Improved mental health.
Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
Fewer symptoms of depression.
Lower blood pressure.
A stronger immune system.
Improved heart health.
Improved self-esteem.

The role of humility

Humility is not thinking about me less; it’s about thinking less about me. There’s a big difference. Humility enables a person to put the interests of others before his or her own. Two people who approach a conflict with humility will always find peaceful resolution. However, those driven by self-interest will live in conflict.

Galatians 5:19-21 reads, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

What the sins mentioned above all have in common is too much focus on self and not enough on others. The following passage, on the other hand, reflects less of a focus on self and more on others.

Galatians 5:22-26 Reads, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”